Confessions of a swimming n00b

I admit it, I'm still a noob/newbie when it comes to swimming. I didn't have the opportunity to learn swimming during my childhood, the magical age where you're so used to getting the living daylights scared out of you that you don't worry much about the prospect of drowning. I couldn't because my folks couldn't afford to send me to swimming classes, and moreover mom was worried about the quality of water there. My mom was very protective. But that's another story.

Anyway, the first time I ever entered a swimming pool without being forced in against my will was during my first year of grad school at the Univ of Texas at Awesome. Me and my roommate had signed up for five swimming classes. When we got there, we were the oldest in a group of about 10 people, which is saying something considering that I was 23 or 24 at that time (cough wheeze I feel old now). All I learned from those classes was how not to swim, which was my own fault. I never could graduate beyond one length of the pool with the paddleboard, doing the flutter kick. Yes I agree, it was pathetic. I couldn't do the freestyle or any style for that matter.

Fast forward a few years. A while ago someone suggested that the swimming classes at the Senior Center here were pretty good. Sign me up, buddy. This time the tables had turned, I was the youngest in a group of 10 people, and the only male. Everyone else was at least 20 years older. Now you know why it's called the Senior Center. But it turned out to be a really nice experience, and it was heartening to see my classmates trying to learn at their ages.

I also realized that I was not naturally buoyant. What that means is, I sink like a rock if I breathe out and stop moving my legs. It resulted in me going down like a submarine when I tried to swim across a length of the pool. The swim instructor was shocked and awed, she had never imagined that being possible. Disappointed, I was almost ready to hang up my swimming trunks for good (what, that's not an appropriate expression?), but I decided to go online and do some research. Turns out I was but one member of the league of extraordinary gentlemen who have negative buoyancy. I took heart from reading that I wasn't alone, and was able to overcome my handicap by never emptying my lungs completely and flutter kicking all the time. I even managed to learn to breathe while swimming, would you believe that.

Some months later, I took up a slightly more advanced class at a local community college. It was a very different experience, I was bunched with as many as 20 other people, of all ages and skills. The instructor was out of the water the entire time. And we were in an Olympic sized pool this time, though swimming horizontally across (25m at a time). It was fun, and I was able to go from running out of breath halfway to being able to complete an entire lap without dying. I started to breath on both sides, every third stroke.

I'm still very much a noob, I am out of breath very quickly, and deep water makes my swimming trunks seem oversized. I haven't been able to get the breathing right yet, though I stubbornly refuse to swim any more or less frequently than every third stroke. I'm a lifetime member of the "learn or die trying" club, so I keep trying to drown at least once a week at the local gym. One day I'll figure it out.

No sugar no cry

So, I was writing about how I always need one aim or the other. At work I've got more deadlines to meet than I can handle, the next two months are going to be "interesting" to say the least.

Anyway, a few days ago a friend of mine came over for dinner. He has given up on sugar since late last year, and I rather liked the idea. One, since I've got such a sweet tooth that I add to my food 3x the amount of sugar any normal human being would, cutting down on sugar would really do me good. Second, I really need to kick this soft drink habit of mine, I had been drinking it wayy to much for my own good, even though it was only the diet variety. Not only did I suspect that I would wake up one day to realize all my teeth had fallen off at night, but I was worried that my brain was being fried to a pickle by all the Aspartame (the artificial sugar in diet soft drinks). Third, one more aim. A not-so-silly one this time, in my opinion.

Note that I'm not fat or anything yet (knock on wood), I'm a few pounds underweight, can swim around 15-20 laps in the pool in 30 mins (still learning) and can run 5 miles/8kms in around 40 mins, non-stop. But I have taken two arrows to the knees in the past, one in each knee.

The first week was absolute horror. I cut out sugar cold turkey, and felt like Gollum did without his Precious. Not only was I ravenously hungry most of the time, the craving for sugar was quiet intense. Not to mention that life sucked, all flavor seemed to have been drained from food. The only form of sugar I consumed was from fruits, or tomato soup. No ketchup either. Oatmeal doesn't taste the same without sugar. I substituted soft drinks with green tea, which tastes like cardboard dissolved in water, in my opinion. To add insult to injury, on the second day of my little endeavor, someone at work brought some carrot cake for everyone. I swear I could hear the cake laughing at me, I felt like a drug addict on rehab. Ok, that was an exaggeration, it wasn't that bad, but pretty bad anyway.

I had decided that I would carry on this charade for one month, and I'm down to the last week now. Quite fittingly, at the end of the week is my cousin's birthday party, and I'm going to murder all the cake there in cold blood. After that I'll add a very small amount of sugar back to my diet for a while, a fraction of what I used to have earlier.

It's been hard work but I think it was worth the trouble. I did increase my intake of fried stuff a bit to compensate for the utter lack of anything sweet, I suck, I know. Maybe that's what I'll do for my next endeavor. Me and my bright ideas.

I haven't felt any different, though I'm glad I'm not ingesting an unhealthy amount of sugar anymore, and that those soft drinks haven't had a chance to kill me from the inside for a while. There hasn't been a noticeable change in my weight. My sugar craving has subsided now. End of blog post.

"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most"

One aim after another

I realize that once I publish this post, I will have written more posts in January 2012 than what I managed between 2007 to 2011. That counts for something, right? No? Bah.

Anyway, one of my many quirks is that I need an aim at every point in my life. Short-term or long-term, it doesn't matter. I have to have something I'm working towards, something that has a specific end time. Without it, I tend to lose my way and meander. That sort of thing happened to me right after graduation, after which I naively thought that I had ended up where I wanted to be. Not so, and I spent the next 2-3 years without gaining much (besides many pounds of fat), and losing quite a bit of enthusiasm, verve etc.

I realized very late that I had this acute need for an aim. Maybe it is the result of the Indian education system, where exams are always around the corner, there is always some competitive exam to prepare for, etc. I'm not against that, it keeps you on your toes and gives you opportunities to outdo yourself, though it demands will power and the support of friends and family to go on despite setbacks.

Maybe it was also a result of my upbringing, where sitting idle and wasting time was frowned upon. I think it was right on my parents' part.

Whatever be the reason, I am the way I am right now. I need an aim, without which I feel lost and run out of verve. Plus the aim has to have a beginning and an end, I haven't yet had an aim that was to bear fruit in an unknown amount of time, I lack enough patience for that. I have been doing this aim thing for many years now, without even realizing it.

Life's a puzzle

A few years ago, I was discussing some arcane computer architecture stuff with a friend of mine who is quite older than me. Towards the end of the discussion, he remarked that computer architecture ultimately boils down to solving puzzles, and however hard the problem, people end up devising solutions to them.

I had never thought about it that way before, and I've had it at the back of my mind ever since. It seems like most professions boil down to solving puzzles in their purest form. Note that I say "most" and not "all", since I imagine professions that are repetitive do not involve any puzzle solving at all.

Even these professions like medicine, law, engineering etc stop involving any puzzle solving once they become repetitive and there's nothing new to figure out. For example, a website designer might move out of the puzzle solving zone very quickly, I presume. Or a tailor, or even a doctor who's fixing up patients with known ailments, I presume.

To extend this theory, people who are good at their puzzle-solving professions should also be good at other professions that involve puzzle solving, discounting other factors like motivation, attitude and social skills. I've indeed met people who seem to be good at everything they pick up, maybe they're good at puzzle solving and manage to keep the other attributes (motivation, attitude, social skills) similar across various tasks. That is something I haven't done too well.

I'm an engineer by profession, and my job had involved a lot of puzzle solving, especially when I had just joined. But in my initial stint, I got out of that phase after a while, and things became repetitive. Plus I did not have much social interaction owing to the nature and location of my job. I had always imagined that I was a bit of an introvert and I would have no problems being alone, but I was wrong, and it really started getting to me after a while. So I ultimately moved, and now I'm in a very different and unfamiliar place which is at the other end of the spectrum, where the amount of puzzle solving I have to do on a daily basis is daunting, to say the least. But as long as it keeps me from settling into a comfort zone, it will be good I presume, even though it's tiring. Comfort zones are like coffins, as they say.

Before I sign off, there's another thing I remembered about living alone for too long. One tends to remember people the way they were at the time of the last meeting. Seeing them after a while is surprising, because often so much time has passed that they're nothing like you remember. Ok, that made no sense at all.

The Wicked Hour

Just as I was about to hit the sack after finishing the previous rambling post on this blog, I looked at the time. It was 12am, and I'm reminded of The Wicked Hour. It used to be the name of a late-night program on All India Radio's FM channel. A quick Google search tells me it is still on. Let me elaborate on my association with this program.

I became a regular listener of this program during my days in class 11 and 12 in DPS. I used to be quite the night owl in those days, staying up quite late every night, even though I had to catch the school bus next morning at 5am. (Just writing about all that is making me nostalgic). Our house had a spare room which served as my bedroom. I used to lie awake in bed at night, studying usually, with the radio playing very softly, so as not to wake the rest of my family up.

This program played on every weekday on AIR FM, from 12am to 1am (or was it 1am to 2am? I forgot). It used to exclusively play English numbers, and people would write in/text their messages to all other listeners of the show. If you're wondering why I was listening to the radio instead of surfing the net, it's because a) I had to study coz that was what I had to do, b) those were the days of dialup, just the sound of the modem dialing would have woken everyone up, and c) no one I cared about was online at that hour.

Anyway, people would send messages under funny, assumed names, like FunFunnyFuntoosh, prehistorictoad, etc. In fact, I liked the last name so much, that I opened an email account with that name. I had to add a 2k to the name, since it was already taken, go figure. Plus I thought the girl in school I was trying to impress would find the name funny (Hint: didn't care. Shocking, I know.)

The background music that always played during that show was Bellisima by DJ Quicksilver. Since then whenever I hear that tune, I'm reminded of those days when the things I worried about were far simpler than the things of today. To add to the soft sound of the music playing on the radio, the temple a few miles away from my house would start its morning prayers towards the end of the show. The intermittent, faraway tinkle of the temple bells could be heard a short while after I had turned off the radio. It used to be truly a surreal experience.

Sometimes my mom, annoyed by the light, would come to the door of my room, and tell me sternly to turn the lights off and go to sleep. She would ask me what the time was, and I would give her the actual time minus 1 or 2 hrs. She couldn't check it for herself since she didn't have her glasses on, so I would get away with it most of the time.

I miss those days.

"Spend your whole life living in the past;

Going nowhere fast"

- Glass of Water, Coldplay, on the pitfalls of reminiscing about the past too much.

My all-time favorite songs

A short while ago, as I was queuing up songs on Grooveshark to drown out the ceaseless chatter in the background at work, I though of making a list of my favourite songs of all time. For me to really like a song, it must have a tune that I like, plus the lyrics matter too. As far as genres go, I realize that I seem to like Metal and Pop particularly, though my preferences in that regard aren't too rigid. Anyway, here it is, in rough order of preference. All of what I say here is my opinion only, obviously:

1) Bittersweet Symphony, The Verve

I've brought people to tears by playing this so many times that their ears bled, as many people in Austin would attest. Not only does this have a great tune, the lyrics ring true too. But perhaps the biggest factor is that this reminds me of my earliest days in Austin, right when I started grad school. I had left behind a lot in India, and most of my days in Austin were spent by myself by choice. I had brought along a CD of mp3s with me from India, which I used to listen to often, and this song was one of them. Whenever this song plays, I'm transported back to those days of August 2005, of the sorrow of leaving so much behind and being alone in a strange land.

And yes, I know all about the Rolling Stones suing The Verve for plagiarizing this song.

2) No Rain, Blind Melon

Another one of my favourites from the days I spoke about earlier. I like it for its somber lyrics and catchy tune. I really did feel quite lonely in those early days, and this seemed to put thought to words quite adeptly.

3) Best of You, Foo Fighters

Perfect song to listen to while driving home after a long and tiring day at work. Great lyrics, and David Grohl probably needed an ambulance after screaming his lungs out for a solid three minutes. Strangely enough, Maitreyi seems to love it too, though she usually turns her nose up at some of the noisy songs I like.

4) Learn to Fly, Foo Fighters

I just like the general tune of this song, though the lyrics aren't too meaningful. The music video for this song is quite funny too. Not sure where I first heard this song, seems I've been listening to it forever.

5) Lucky Man, The Verve

Absolutely amazing both in terms of the music and the lyrics. I heard this quite recently, and have been playing it on a loop ever since. "Happiness, more or less; Is just a change in me; Something in my liberty".

6) Mama said, Metallica

For obvious reasons. The lyrics, right till the very end sound like the story of my life, though I guess I think too much.

7) You Can't Always Get What You Want, The Rolling Stones

"You can't always get what you want; But if you try sometimes, you might find; You get what you need." Trust me, I know.

8) My Vietnam fixation: Give Me Shelter, The Rolling Stones; Fortunate Son, Creedence Clearwater Revival.

I think I like classic rock. Not much from the Beatles though, mainly from The Rolling Stones. And the above. When I listen to the above, I can picture G.I.s coming though the underbrush in Vietnam. OK, I confess, I just got that from Battlefield: Vietnam.

9) Songs by Coldplay: Glass of Water, Strawberry Swing (the live version), and many others.

The lyrics, vocals and tunes are all top notch.

This is getting quite tiring. As I keep on writing, more and more songs keep coming to my mind, and I feel this has no end. I'll put my pen down for now (so to speak), and will come back to this sometime later when inspiration hits me again (i.e. probably never). Plus it's getting late.

Back again..

Back again, to scribble some more. Reading my old posts made me think about the changes in me over the years. I hardly ever play video games anymore, so much so that I was thinking of selling my PS3, rather than having it gather dust. The best use that I've been able to put it to recently has been to perplex my cat Dopey (aka Dopu), who seems to find it fascinating how the PS3 can gobble up a disc and then spit it out from its slot loading drive. He's a really sweet and guileless fellow, my cat. I pray for a long and happy life for him. He is a little wary of me though, seems to prefer snuggling up to Maitreyi over me.

Over lunch at work I mentioned to my colleague that the PS3 was nigh useless to me. I think he missed the "to me" part, and took it upon himself to prove the worth of the PS3. The next day he handed me two games that were the best of the crop on the PS3. I played one of them for a few hours over the weekend, but since then they've been gathering dust. The PS3 is nigh useless to me.

The other thing I used to absolutely love was soccer, but my soccer days too are behind me. It all started with an ill-advised left foot kick which missed the ball and hit the ground, rupuring a knee ligament. The final nail, two years later, was an innocuous right foot pivot, when my other knee ligament decided it was done with soccer too.

Too Long; Didn't Read Version: I took an arrow to the knee. Two arrows, one to each knee.

I've been trying to learn Web Design. I had not learned anything new for a while, and I think I was lacking in the discipline department, due to which I took longer than I should have to learn. Anyway, I think I'm getting the hang of it now. I'm designing a website for the charitable foundation that my dad is running (www.rajbalafoundation.org). I produced two designs of my own before my sister (who needs to approve the design before it's accepted) announced that I should stick to engineering and leave the design to the designers. So I ate humble pie and am putting together the design conjured up by Anuj the designer extraordinaire, her husband.

It's really been a long time since I last wrote something, so the words aren't flowing as easily as they usually do. I find it to be a nice way to pacify the battles raging in the mind.

I quite like poems. To sign off, here's a poem that I rather like. I wish I was as badass as the person this poem is descibing, but alas, I suck. Anyway:

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

- William Ernest Henley

The best laid plans of mice and men..

Back again, four years later. Different person, in a different place. Lost a lot, and then gained some. Along the way, crossed the threshold from being a boy to a man. Reading some of my past writings, I scarcely recognize who I used to be. The occasion is ripe to quote these lines I plagiarized shamelessly:

But little Mouse, you are not alone,
In proving foresight may be vain:
The best laid schemes of mice and men
Go often askew,
And leave us nothing but grief and pain,
For promised joy!

- Robert Burns, "To a Mouse, on Turning Her Up in Her Nest with the Plough"

Let's try this one more time..

Ohkay, i think it's been more than a year since my last post. I'll try to be a bit more regular from now on.

If you randomly drifted onto this blog assuming i'd be another enlightened soul baring my thoughts on the deeper meaning of some movies or life or some book, you're going to be disappointed, our interests don't match. (The last insightful book i read was "Linux Device Drivers")What will you find here? Whatever rubbish comes to my mind. And my mind is a very volatile place.

Who am I? I'm the kind of guy who can't sit still for more than a few minutes at a time. What am i interested in? Soccer, Kittens, Puppies, Kernel hacking, Video Games, Rajma-Chawal, and daydreaming.

A lot has changed since the last post. I'm no longer at UT, i graduated in Spring '07, and got the kind of job i really wanted..writing code that flirts with the OS for the snazziest company on the planet, NVIDIA. And how's the job, you may ask? Been about three months now, has been a mixed bag.

I should be in bed, fast asleep right now, but unfortunately, i nodded off to sleep early in the evening yesterday, and woke up near midnight, with my entire sleep cycle in turmoil, and i've not been able to sleep since. What better way of spending hours of insomnia than to unload rubbish on a blog, i said to myself (after 2 hours of mindless fragging with Halo3 on Xbox Live with other people who have nothing better to do), and here i am.

I came across something interesting the other day, theres this guy on Flickr who claims that his grandpa drew the first Lolcats a long time ago, and he now publishes a new strip every so often (if you haven't heard of Lolcats yet, GO DRIVE INTO A WALL, then take a look here). Here's a sample of his cartoons:

Thats Pip, the little kitteh. I'm hooked!
One of these days, i'm going to get myself a cat. Or a dog. Or both.


Maybe i should end this drivel here and start getting ready for work (THATS surely going to bring the sleep back.) Before i sign off, lemme share with you this dream i had last evening. All day at work i had been trying to compile a kernel and get it to work on my test system. I would tweak the .config file and recompile, then run it on my test box, but it would freeze on bootup. I did this more than 3-4 times, and if you know what i'm talking about, you'll now how long it takes. And then after i came back from work, i had been playing Halo3 online like the maniac i am.

So when i went to sleep, in my dream i was one of the Spartans in Halo3, playing online with other people, and frantically trying to change my guns by editing a kernel .config file. heh heh! Find it funny? No? KTHXBAI!

PS: This is what i look like in Halo3:
And this is a screenshot i took during the game, thats me in the driver's seat of the Warthog:

Here's to me and here's to you

Here's to me, here's to you
here's to love and laughter
i'll be true as long as you
and not one moment after